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By Lord Robert’ de Tyre

Being an accounting of the dolorous tale of the culinary misadventures of Lords Robert’ de Tyre, Richard de Tyre and Herr Arenvold von Grunhausen at Pennsic XX.*
1.And so it came to pass that Lord Robert’ took counsel with his son, Richard and his son’s companion, Arenvold, and they did decided to answer the ban and arriere’- ban of King Davydd I of the Middle Kingdom, for these were dangerous times, and raiders did ravage the marches of Oaken. 2. And Robert’ did say to his fellows, "Lo, we must give thought of how to victual ourselves, for it were ungallant to ravage the countryside like common brigands". 3. And so they took counsel together, and did bargain with a certain household that as they did strive in arms, that their lodgings and victuals would be taken care of.
4.Now this household was a pious and religious one, and did provide of their bounty. 5. But as Robert’ and his companions did sit down to meat, lo, there was no meat, but a stew of vegetables and a pottage of noodles. 5. And Robert’ did say, "Behold, there is no meat to be had in the land" 6. And verily was their suffering great, for Robert’ was a great trencherman, and did not travel far if there was not meat to be had. 7. And so it came to pass that a comrade-in-arms did have a fatted kine that he did roast, and then did eat his fill. 8. And the wonderful smell of roasted meat did cause the mouth and eyes of Robert’ and his companions to water, and their bellies did groan. 9. But there was no more meat in the camp, for his companion-in-arms was a greater (and faster) trencherman than was Robert’.
10.Now this companion did see their miserable state, and did say, "Lo, my friend, I am heavy of heart that you have no meat. I will give unto you this summer-sausage". 11. And the summer-sausage was small, mayhap three or four inches long, and as round as a man’s thumb. 12. So Robert’ and his traveling-companions did feast upon the sausage, with much smacking of lips and scraping of paper with their teeth. 13. And Robert’ did swear, "As the Lord God is my witness, I shall never go meatless again!" 14. And his companions did swear also, for they were much aggrieved. 15. Thus did House de Tyre Ribnight come to pass, for which God and the saints be praised.

*Taken from the Sable Panther Chronicles, the Book of Carnivores, Ch. I, vss. 1-15.

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